Whats going on
by Redrover707
Summary: This story sort of came to me. what if KFP wasn't in the past but in some sort of mess up future.Now a look into how my mind makes sense of the lack of hot human assassins. PoXTigress and other stuff. R&R everyone. M for later chapters.
1. This little birdie fell out of the sky

Disclaimer: I do not own Kung Fu Panda I am saving that money for the rights to I Am Legend.

Authors note:I suck at summaries

* * *

"So what's are we doing again." said Po for what seamed like the millionth time but was actually the 50th

The had been on the road for about an hour

"Where going to investigate that big, fiery, metal thing that fell out of the sky" crane said with slight hint of annoyance in his voice. Everyone had started to respect Po more since Tai Lungs defeat, but Po tended to get on everyone's nerves once in a while. Also, Po knew why they were sent out, it's not every day a ball of flame drops out of the sky, but it was nice to break the silence every once-and-a-while.

"Oh yea right," Po responded "do you guys think we should be worried."

"Not really," said the resident expert on viper style (viper for those of you who don't know) "it landed in of a farm in the middle of a festival so no ones really around to get hurt and it landed in a paddy field so the fires probably out."

"Ok, but what if there was something's inside the thing and it came to the valley to take it over or something like that."

"That why we have you." Said a slightly amused Mantis

"Po's right everyone stay sharp, we don't know what this thing is." Tigress said

"Ha, _Po's right_, from Tigress, no doubt there's a first." Monkey said.

Tigress blushed slightly at this but you would never able to tell. _Ha, I made a funny._ Tigress and Po had been going out for about one month. Po had started asking her out 2 months after Tai Lungs defeat but, she either kept refusing or punched him through walls when he asked. But no amount of rejections or concussions could deter him form the prize. So Tigress finally gave him a pity date after hitting his head into a wall particularly hard in the training hall. Then things sort of took off from there. No seriously Po tried to make a move on Tigress punched him a mile away (on the first date no less). But still they developed a fondness which then turned to love which then, after a month of dating, they went steady.

_Now back on topic. You know not that discussing other people's love life isn't fun and all but, we will get to everyone's back story later._

As the Furious Five plus Po (_you_ _think they would change their name to the super six or something like that_) got closer to the crash site it became clear that this wasn't some rouge fireworks from the festival. There was broken scrapes of metal and burning gas. The Furious Five plus Po had no idea what to make of the scene. There was a giant husk of metal that was on fire where the thing had landed. Suddenly the Furious 5 heard a cry in the wreck.

"Get away from it. It's going to explode." said some voice in the darkness shouted

As the Furious Five turned to investigate the source of the voice a massive explosion took place in the crater where the "thing" was. They were already well outside the range of the explosion, but it made everyone jump back 2-3 feet. Then out of the side of the a giant 4foot tall hamster dragging a larger 5ft 10in hairless ape by his side.

"Please … help … out of beer." Said the hamster

The Furious Five plus Po took the ape out of the hamster's arms and proceeded to take them to the Jade Palace were they both laid unconscious for the rest of the night.


	2. alone time

Disclaimer: I do not own Kung Fu Panda. If I did I wouldn't be living at my mom's house

* * *

"God, what time is it?" said Sayid.

Bobby had rolled next to his commander "About 3o'clock."

Sayid fell off his bed and hit the ground.

"AHH, What the fuck,Bobby how did you get in the same bed as me."

"It harder then it sounds. There this ugly, midget panda running around asking me questions and whatnot."

Suddenly a certain red panda had suddenly entered the room, suddenly.

"I'm ugly and tiny, I'm I?"

"No, I was _uhh_ talking about someone else."

"Who"

"Yes, _uggh,_ why don't I answer some of those questions you've been asking."

"You know what; I think I will ask your friend here sense he's finally awake."

"Well I think I will leave you two alone."

"Wait" said Sayid "are you going to leave me alone with him."

"Yes, yes I am. See ya."

Then Bobby ran like there was ½ off sell at Macy's.

--

2 hours earlier…

Crane flew over to the training hall and swooped in on the rest of the Furious Five and Po.

"Hey Crane, what's up." Said Po

"One of them just woke up" Said Crane

"Who?" said Po

"One of the people that fell out of the sky, the furry one."

Everyone had stop and stared at Crane in silence. Po then put it on him self to break the silence.

"Should we go up there in case he tries to beat up on everyone?"

"No, Shifu already there questioning him so, I think if he tries anything we will be safe"

"Well… anyone wants to go just to watch."

"Sure," Said Mantis. "Master Shifu will probably kick the crap out of him."

"How are you so sure" inquired Viper

"It's been one day since the festival and not only did Shifu had to catch up on a days worth of work but, he had to send us out, listen to our report on what happened, figure out where to keep our 'guests', and figure out damage control on this whole situation. I'm pretty sure talking to a 4 foot tall foreign hamster who will probably not understand a word he's saying, I'm pretty sure he's going to snap."

"Want to put wager on it" said Monkey

"Sure," said Mantis "If I win I want almond cookies whenever I ask for them. If you win I will bake you the almond cookies for a whole month."

"I accept." Said Monkey

"That seems a little one sided Mantis." Said Viper

"Ya, well I'm just that sure I will win."

"GUYS" interrupted Crane "you want to go or not."

"Yea, I want conformation of my free cookies for a week."

Everyone had run out of the training hall as fast as they could. For Po that meant that he would arrive five minutes after everyone else so he decided that the best course of action was to stay at the training hall and wait for the news of who won the bet. As Po near the entrance to the training hall he heard a _whoosh_ by his ears. Po turned to see Tigress looking at him. She inched closer to him and then started to make a small seductive smile. Po jumped at the sight of Tigress.

"I thought you went with the others."

"I did but, Po do you remember our first date." she said

"Not really, but the paramedics said I should have brought you flowers instead of low fat chocolates."

Tigress suddenly got serious and said "I thought you were implying I was getting fat."

"And I told you that they were the last box of chocolates they had left."

"Well anyway other then that and the little trip to the hospital to bring you home we haven't had any 'real' alone time."

"What are talking about we went to my dads noodle shop after that."

"He barged in every 5 minutes."

"The park?" said Po

"Those kids singing 'Tigress and Po sitting in a tree'."

"It was catchy."

"Well, anyway this is first time we've been completely alone in days, let's make the most of it."

"So, what do you want to do" Said Po

Tigress leaned in on Po until she was only an inch from his face and said "Catch Me" and ran towards the training hall.

* * *

Sry about the long wait


End file.
